Life, Love and Loss With Sarah Tolmie

NRG CNTR Team
Mar 20, 2023
6 min read

Updated: Mar 21, 2023

Meet the lovely Sarah Tolmie, a life and love celebrant, emotional wellbeing and relationship coach, couples/marriage therapist, end of life consultant and death doula and funeral director. Here Sarah talks about life, loss and love, the importance of having enriching, nourishing, loving relationships and being an advocate for more transparency, authenticity and community care in the funeral industry.

NRG CNTR - "Can you tell us a little about yourself and what you do?"

Sarah - When I moved to the Central Coast from Sydney in 2001 it was the beginning of a tree-change, sea change and ultimately a life and love change for me. I found healing, friendship, wellbeing and community. I soon left my corporate career and whilst our sons were little I retrained, first as a marriage and funeral celebrant, then as a coach and therapist and finally, deepening further into my end-of-life craft to become a holistic funeral director.

For almost two decades now I have been developing a practice of holistic community care that has evolved into three distinct areas of service – Life and Love and Loss.

I am a Life & Love Celebrant, Emotional Wellbeing & Relationship Coach and Couples/Marriage Therapist (in the Gottman Couples Therapy approach). I am also trained as a Non-Religious Chaplain and Specialist Grief Therapist.

I am an End-of-Life Consultant and Death Doula and since 2016 I have also been able to offer a complete death care and funeral practice as a Holistic Community Funeral Director (working with my funeral team partner, Picaluna Funerals).

NRG CNTR - "What is your favourite thing about what you do?"

Sarah - It is being with people, families, and communities in service to their relationships and stories. I am repeatedly in awe of humanity and its infinite creativity in relationships, healing, expression and meaning. Ultimately, I am in service and witness to the power of LOVE.

My initial academic training was in anthropology before I detoured into a corporate career for a while. These last twenty years in my practices of Life & Love Holistic Community Care has seen me come full circle – in some ways, I am doing my own kind of anthropology – being invited as an intimate witness to the lives of the individuals, couples and families at their most profound life and love and death events.

In my ceremony and funeral craft, I experience the cutting edge of modern ritual, ceremony, storytelling, healing and meaning making. Whether it be a marriage or a funeral ceremony; or journeying with a family at end-of-life; or guiding a couple to repair and recreate into healthier relationship - the joy and wonder and privilege of my work is the incredible brave, vulnerable, strong, interesting, passionate people I meet and the profound everyday stories of extraordinary love.

NRG CNTR - "What is the biggest misconception people have about your field of expertise?"

Sarah - In my funeral and death care work, I suppose a common misconception is that it is depressing and morbid. Working at end-of-life is hard work, but mostly it is ‘heart’ work. Death is a great leveller, and being in this space with people can create opportunities for truth, emotional authenticity, relationship depth and profound experiences of love.

My families continually amaze me. Their stories move me. And we certainly laugh as much as we can cry together.

In each area of my work – be it in ceremony, in therapy or in death care - I am repeatedly confronted by the power of Love. And I am constantly reminded of the importance of being in good relationship – be that with your lover, your family, your friends, and your community.

I find my work incredibly life and love affirming. It makes me value my relationships, my life and my community.

NRG CNTR - "If you could change one thing about your industry, what would it be?"

Sarah - In the funeral industry I’ve long been an advocate for more transparency, authenticity, and community care. I see myself as a community funeral director – bringing funeral and death care practices back to the community – and inviting greater collaboration, participation, and empowerment for families to do things that are meaningful and right for them.

To do this, I believe education is key, and I regularly conduct workshops on death literacy, de-mystifying death and providing the community with information, choices and options. I have a series of FREE workshops this year called Sunsetting – Planning for End-of-Life and Funeral Wishes The next one is on Sun 30 April 3-5pm at Woy Woy Sea Scouts – Lions Park.

I suppose a misconception on the therapy front, is that couple therapy and relationship care is for when we are in challenge and crisis, but I think it needs a more front and centre role in creating healthy relationships from the get go. I wish couples would come earlier for help. Research shows couples come to therapy seven years too late and suffer in their relationship for too long time and accrue a lot of pain, resentments and hurts that may ultimately prove too much to overcome.

I also wish we could value and fund and teach emotional skills, communication, and the fundamentals for a healthy relationship mindset not just before couples embark on marriage or families, but even earlier, in our teens at school. It would prevent so much damage.

Imagine if everyone was skilled in healthy relationship?!

NRG CNTR - "Do you have a life motto?"

Sarah - Being in ‘right relationship’ is not only an important value I strive for personally, but in the work that I do, I know that our wellbeing depends on our ability to be in right relationship – right relationship with ourselves, our loved ones, our community…even our planet.

I suppose for me, my motto is, everything is ‘relationship’. Relationships take skill. To love well takes skill and personal responsibility.

NRG CNTR - "What’s your favourite quote?"

Sarah - I love this one from the late Louise Hay “I love life and life loves me”.

I also love and regularly practice the prayer/mantra for healing and forgiveness based on the teachings of Ho’oponopono. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”

NRG CNTR - "What are you proudest of in your life?"

Sarah - I am proud that my husband and I have continued to evolve in life and love together. We live our own ‘love laboratory’ of exploration, discovery and expression. When I am welcoming new couples into a therapy journey with me, I share that Andrew and I have been married for 26years and not all of them were great. There is no shame in struggling in relationship and no shame also in getting help. We had our early relationship challenges in which we needed to heal and get skilled to better love each other. We have a very deep and healthy partnership and I am proud of our love and relationship.

And of course, we are most proud of our sons who are now beautiful young men braving into life and love for themselves.

NRG CNTR - "If you could have one super-power what would it be?"

Sarah- I know this sounds very “Pollyanna’ but I wish I had the super-power to sprinkle magic fairy dust on people and it would allow them an undeniable, transformative experience of the healing power of LOVE & COMPASSION & GRATITUDE & FORGIVENESS. I would gift people a powerful dose – be that for healing their relationship with themselves or with another person or a situation that pains and grieves them –to give them a life changing opportunity for relationship repair, re-creation and re-imaging for ultimate wellbeing for all.

I think if everyone had the chance for relationship wellbeing so many of the problems of our world and our planet would have the chance to heal. All healing and change begins within… from the inside then out.

NRG CNTR -"Where can we learn more about you and your offerings?"

Sarah - To find out more about Sarah’s holistic community care suite of services, visit her website:

www.sarahtolmie.com.au

Sarah also has a series of online courses and resources. To discover her courses and learning click here: resources,https://sarahtolmie.com.au/education-events/

These include:

1. “Creating a Miracle Marriage. Online Course for Couples”

2. “How do you feel? Using the intelligence of our emotions to heal and be whole in Life & Love,

3. “Landscapes of Life & Love and Loss. Traversing the pathways of dying, death and grief”.

To follow her on Facebook:

Sarah Tolmie Life&Love - Holistic Therapy, Coaching & Courses:

https://www.facebook.com/sarahtolmielifeandlove

Sarah Tolmie - Community Funeral Director and End-of-Life Services: https://www.facebook.com/sarahtolmiecommunityfuneraldirector

Sarah Tolmie Life&Love Celebrations CMC:

https://www.facebook.com/lifeandlovecelebrant

To follow Sarah on Instagram:

Sarah Tolmie Life&Love - Holistic Therapy, Coaching & Courses: